What You Can Do For Us
The Tragic Blessing
This week, we lost Dad. You probably know him as Gerald “Joe” Miller. Following church last Sunday, he was working in the kitchen as he often does. This was his final act of service to his church family. After taking care of things, he sat to rest. Then his heart stopped working. First responders attended to him immediately and worked desperately to bring him back. All the while, family and friends surrounded and cared for each other and prayed. The world tragically lost a remarkable man, but it was a blessing how it unfolded as it did. Support and love immediately flowed and surrounded this moment. As this tragic blessing unfolded, we were surrounded by the loving spirit of this man known for a lifetime of support and love for others.
Blessed and Grateful
As our family processes this loss, we want you to know that we are truly blessed and grateful. We have had a tremendous outpouring of love from those around us. Dad positively touched so many lives, and we feel that his spirit of love is flowing back to us as we are consoled by the many lives Dad touched. Thank you all for reaching out to offer condolences and kind words. It means the world to us.
Three Great Statements
As I reflect on these past few days, I’ve noticed something. I’ve noticed that we’re most frequently greeted with these three statements.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.
You and your family are in our prayers.
I want you to know that these are perfect things to say. I understand that it is often difficult to know what to say or the right thing to say. Often, simply showing up with a smile or a hug is more than enough. If you’re searching for words, these are good ones. I encourage you to keep using them. When you talk to us, keep it simple. We’re just happy to know that Dad touched your life and that you care about him. That’s more than enough for us. We are truly blessed and grateful for Dad and for you.
That Second Statement
The first and third statements are kind and always welcomed. It's great to hear what you’re feeling and what you’re doing. That second statement though...that’s a good one.
Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.
It’s a great statement, but I’ll tell you it’s a tough one to answer. By all means, keep saying it, but we mourners will often simply respond with a simple thank you. And that’s okay. But now, I have a response for you. It's a gift to you. It's a job for you.
A Job For You To Do
When we see others suffer, we want to help but often don’t know how. That second statement is a great start, but don’t expect a request. Mourners really don’t know what to ask for which leaves the consoler with nothing further to do. Today, I’m going to give you something to do. I'm going to give you a job. It's something easy to do. It's something powerful to do. I’m calling in the favor to the question, "is there anything I can do for you?" Yes, there is. I’ve actually got two jobs for you. Two things you can do for us and for Dad.
First Thing You Can Do
Your first job is to look for ways to show quiet kindness and quiet compassion to those around you. Look at people differently. Look deeply at those around you and remember that every life is truly precious. Look for people who don’t look like you or talk like you or believe like you. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be present and aware of those around you so you don't pass up an opportunity to be serve and love. This is how Dad lived. Give it a try.
Second Thing You Can Do
Your second job is to look for ways to lay down your shield and sword and open up your heart. We live in a world that often notices differences more than commonalities. Focus on listening and loving rather than defending or imposing your views. Listen as intently as you wish to be heard. I think we can easily get caught up in negative talk and forget that we all live together in this world that God “so loved.” It will serve us well to remember that we live in a world of “neighbors.” There is no such thing as “them” in our world. There is only us. Humanity. So love God and love your neighbor as yourself. This is how Dad lived. Give it a try.
A Wink To Dad
Dad served, and Dad loved. He can no longer do this on his own. Now he needs your help. So that’s your job. If you genuinely want to know if there’s anything you can do for us, this is it. Serve someone. Love someone. Then give a little wink to Dad and say, “This one’s for you, Joe.” His spirit will thank you. Our family will thank you. You will have given this world a precious gift on Dad’s behalf. You will allow Dad to love his neighbor just one more time. I can think of no greater gift for a man who gave so much for so long.
That’s what you can do for us.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for keeping Dad’s spirit alive through a few tiny moments of kindness. Thank you, because doing what you can do for us would make Dad so happy.
God bless.
Enjoy the day.
Wink to Dad.
