The Imperfect Mosaic

The Means

Last week I shared some thoughts that were on my heart regarding the loss of my dad. I used writing to help me process the experience and give voice to my inner turmoil. Writing was my therapy, and the piece did what I hoped it would do. It was the means that helped me begin to put the pieces together and make just a bit more sense of it all.

I Don’t Fish, Cook, or Fix Cars...

I’ve often said that when I grow up, I want to be like dad. I say this, but I’m not really trying to be him. I love his qualities and share many of his interests, but our passions differ greatly. Dad had a passion for fishing, cooking, and auto repair. I do not. I know how to fish and have a lot of great fishing memories, I know how to cook (okay, I’ve seen a lot of people cook), and I know how to do auto repair, but these are not what I love to do. I will not carry on his legacy as a fisherman, chef, or mechanic, but because of his impact on me, my life will certainly reflect some of his qualities.

...But I Teach, Coach, and Click Keyboards

I guess you could say that when I grow up, I kind of want to be like me. I love my role as an educator. It's a powerful and humbling career. I love my role as coach. I thrive on skill development and relationship building. I love clicking keyboards, working through my thoughts, and sharing what’s on my mind via this young but deeply satisfying hobby. So my legacy will be that of a teacher, coach, and keyboard clicker. I only hope that I too will impact others in a way that they will wish to reflect.

Wholehearted

Brené Brown’s powerful book, The Gifts of Imperfection has two subtitles. The first is Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. The second is Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life. She defines wholehearted living as “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness” and “cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection” to be able to say “I am enough...I am imperfect...and worthy of love and belonging.” My dad lived wholeheartedly. His was a life well lived. He knew who he was and he embraced his role in all of its magnificent imperfection. Now it is ours to live life well. Influenced by those before us. Leaving a legacy for those who follow behind.

The Mosaic of Reflections

I am not Dad, but I am grateful that I reflect some of his qualities. I am not Mom, but I am grateful that I reflect some of her light as well. I am not Jill, but I am grateful for her influence in my life and for the love of life and others that she radiates. There are so many people who have influenced me and have influenced this mosaic that is me. I’m learning that I don’t have to be anyone but me. I embrace and draw from those around me. I reflect those qualities in this uniquely imperfect soul and spirit. And I’m good with that.

Our Imperfect Gifts

We are all our own beautiful mosaics assembled from the gentle, and sometimes not so gentle, nudges and reflections of those around us. We are each a living legacy, and our legacy we will be a small part of someone else’s mosaic. So here we are, imperfect reflections. Let’s remember that we are impacted by so many beautifully imperfect lives. Knowing this, I hope we are not like someone else when we “grow up.” I hope we can use our means and passions to live wholeheartedly while creating our own legacies. I hope we can take Brené's advice and embrace the imperfect mosaics we are.