A Toe in the Water

Chapter 1

“The battle begins the moment we wake.”

He entered the room, struck a blow, basked in the glory of the moment, and exited. This is his first attack of the day. The warrior lay motionless, not even realizing the battle had begun. Not realizing that, as usual, he was the one who invited his adversary into the room. Before the warrior opened his eyes, the dragon entered. There was no guard on duty and no locks on the doors or windows. Nothing was in place to stop or even slow this great beast who stood before him.

The warrior did not see the dragon, but he could feel the presence. Looming. Staring. Daring the warrior to make a move. The dragon's chest expanded with the draw of each deep breath. As he exhaled, he assumed a ready position. The warrior was aware that this was only a vision, but this vision served as a reminder of the battle awaiting him. Without even stepping on the battlefield, the warrior allowed the dragon to gain an edge. To strike the first blow. To cast a cloud of doubt and fear over this new day.

This was the dragon’s routine. His battle plan. The mornings belonged to him, and he knew it. His plan was simple, strike first. Strike fear and doubt. Make a show of strength that would keep the warrior’s attempts half-hearted at best. His job was to stop the warrior, and most mornings this strategy worked. Most mornings.

“Awareness is the warrior’s first weapon.”

This morning, however, something was different. Something felt odd. Normally, this show of strength was enough to spark fear to turn the warrior against himself. It was enough to create an inner dialogue of doubt forcing an early retreat. It was enough to win the day before the day began. But this day, the warrior caught an unfamiliar sensation of hope. It was just a glimmer, but it revealed what would be the first weapon for his arsenal. The weapon of awareness.

He opened his eyes, seeing a little more clearly. Seeing the dragon for who he really was, an unwelcome guest he had unknowingly invited. He realized that the dragon had taken residency in his mind with permission. This realization, this awakening, this newfound awareness was the warrior’s first true weapon. Armed with awareness, he could now see that the conflict was in the mind. The dragon was on the offensive before the warrior even reached what he believed to be the true battlefield.

The warrior just won the first battle. The weapon of awareness gave him the vision of hope, and hope is where transformation is born. Swinging his feet to the floor, he is now faced with the next battle. The battle of choice.

“Awareness brings clarity.”

The dragon’s image was still fresh in the warrior’s mind. The message was clear. “You cannot do this. You know this is too big of a challenge. Maybe try tomorrow, or next week, or not at all. Just remember, today is not your day.” He didn’t hear this message so much as felt it, but the dragon’s message was clear. It was still ringing in his ears, but this morning, something felt different. The dragon’s reminder did not hold the same weight. His first attack had failed.

The warrior’s dragon came to set the tone for the day. This was his battle plan. Attack early. Gain the edge. Cast a cloud of doubt, fear, and uncertainty to immobilize the warrior. The dragon’s show of force was his first and most effective weapon, given to him by the warrior.

The dragon did what he came to do, but found himself in unfamiliar territory. He did not anticipate the warrior’s glimpse of hope. He did not anticipate the warrior might somehow see through his cloud of deception. His show of force did not insight fear. His message was not received. This morning, the warrior was armed with awareness. This morning, the warrior could see more clearly. This morning, the warrior chose to act.

“Clarity helps us choose.”

With blankets pulled to the side and feet on the floor, the warrior found himself sitting in silence. Armed with the weapon of awareness, he realized for the first time the battle had begun. He sat in silence, holding this unfamiliar weapon. Examining it. Listening to it. Being present with it. The warrior sat alone with silence who gently guided his mind to another new realm. Stillness. In the stillness of the moment, the warrior was aware. He was alert. He was calm. In this moment, the warrior had put the battle plan into action. This would not be a conventional battle. This was something different. This was a battle of intention. This battle would be unorthodox. This was the beginning of the warrior’s unconventional battle.

He knew this was the beginning of a different kind of battle, so he needed a different way to fight. He knew there was a sense of urgency to begin. In fact, he had already begun. He did not need to rush in with a huge attack. In that moment of silence, stillness made itself known and created calm in his mind. This calmness brought with it a pause that allowed the warrior to restrain himself. Just for a moment. Charging forward into the day without pause would be mindless. He would be relying on will and brute force. It would have been a reckless attack, and that is precisely the battle plan that allows the dragon to shine. The dragon is well skilled in warding off brief, sporadic attacks. It only takes a moment of strength to oppose the attack and defend himself. That is the conventional plan that breaks the warrior’s will to fight. That is the old plan.

The warrior can see this now. His weapon of awareness alerted him to this truth. In the silent stillness, he could see that his attack will require a new approach. That approach will require another weapon. In the stillness and silence, he sees the second weapon begin to take form.

“Choosing the unconventional path of gratitude.”

With eyes closed, the warrior sat tall. Drawing a slow deep breath, he opened his eyes. Another deep breath was followed by another slow exhale. This was the day the warrior awoke, realizing the first battle was behind him. The victory was fresh in his mind. Another deep breath and the warrior rose to his feet ready to move forward and take the next step on his quest to a better life.

He stood in silence and stillness, ready for the day. Ready to continue the battle. Before him were two paths. One was his familiar route of overthinking and elaborate planning. The warrior knew this path kept him busy preparing for battle, but rarely led to action. The less familiar route took an unconventional approach. The warrior was energized and ready to pursue and attack his dragon, but something told him to take this new path.

The warrior walked with intention and purpose to his war room. He sat and opened his battle planbook. A blank new page stared at him. The warrior smiled, picked up his pen, and wrote. “I am grateful for this new day. I am grateful for the air I breathe. I am grateful for my heart that beats. I am worthy, I am blessed, and I am grateful.” The warrior had just won his second battle. The dragon had lost the first two battles of the day, completely unaware of the force that was building up against him.

Chapter 2

“Focus on closing, not winning.”

He sat alone in the war room. The silence of the early morning created an unusually calm spirit. The warrior was aware that this battle would take time. This battle would require a different mindset and a different approach. With two early victories under his belt, the warrior noticed something. He noticed that he was gaining ground.

The first victory was seeing through the dragon’s show of strength. The warrior recognized this mind game and found the glimmer of hope. That vision of hope fueled his desire to make progress and to keep moving forward. The second victory was showing gratitude. In his moment of stillness and silence, he found a sense of peace and contentment in the moment. He was energized and present, yet ready to take his step. He was ready to close the gap with these tiny wins. These victories were so small in fact, the dragon had not even noticed any change. He certainly did not know he was in any danger from this seemingly weak warrior. The dragon did not notice these tiny victories. If he had noticed, he might be amused, but would certainly not be concerned. The warrior, on the other hand, could see the potential. These micro-battles could be used to build a practice, which in turn could build a powerful mindset.

The warrior’s new approach was far from conventional. Had he moved with the “go big” mentality, he would have been met with great resistance. The “small step” mentality was met with practically no resistance at all. The warrior knew there was a gap between his current self and his best self. Those two small steps closed the gap, and this was the answer. The warrior knew he needed to focus his attention on the small gains. The focus on small gains would lead to closing the gap. And closing the gap is winning the battle.

“Running reconnaissance en route.”

The silence and stillness brought a moment of clarity. The gratitude brought a moment of peace. Armed with these resources, the warrior was energized to move forward. The clarity and peace revealed a need for some reconnaissance. He needed to take an honest look at himself, his path, and his obstacles. This warrior was on a quest to a better life. Part of the process would be stepping onto the battlefield every day, multiple times a day.

Drawing a slow, deep breath his chest expanded filling him with hope. He exhaled and relaxed, his body feeling stronger. He looked inward, not in judgement but in curiosity. What am I doing here? Where am I headed? What does this “better life” actually look like? What exactly would make my life more compelling? What steps will lead me to a “life, well lived”? Then, he looked outward, again in simple curiosity. What exactly are my obstacles and challenges? What is this dragon I’m battling? What are his strengths and weaknesses? What is my best plan of attack?

These questions would normally weigh the warrior down, but this morning he was just scouting the battlefield, trying to better understand the battle. The warrior looked back to his battle planbook. He was in the battle and on the move but needed to do some scouting and along the way. The warrior was now running recon, tracking the information he learned about himself and his enemy.

“Focus on controlling the controllables.”

The warrior turned to a new page. At the top of the page, he wrote “I cannot always control my circumstances, but I can control how I react to them.” The warrior was typically quick to react. When he faced obstacles and struggles, he found this to be a suitable survival skill that helped protect himself from embarrassment and failure. He had learned that his reward on the other side of the dragon was usually just not worth the fight. The dragon had beaten down day after day. Many days the warrior didn’t even show up to the battlefield. There were too many things beyond his control.

There had always been uncontrollable circumstances, but there had to be some controllable steps he could take in order to keep moving forward. He turned back to the planbook. “I can control my attitude. I can control my mindset. I can control how and when I react to failures and setbacks. I can make small gains and celebrate those small wins, no matter how ugly the wins may be.” He knew that to rise up and battle effectively, he had to focus on what he could control. He knew this was going to take time. He knew that somehow, this unconventional path was his path to a better life.

He chose to combat his negative attitude by practicing gratitude. When he recognized his negativity rising, he would bring one gratitude to mind. He chose to combat a negative, limiting mindset by reminding himself that skill and strength come with time and practice. He chose to combat his reaction to failures and setbacks by pausing, reflecting, and remembering that we can learn from every mistake, failure, and setback. Finally, he chose to make small gains and celebrate them no matter how small or ugly.

“Small wins close the gap, and small wins are controllable.”

The warrior knew that making progress would not always be this easy. He determined that he would have to show up and keep showing up to allow those small gains on the battlefield to really close the gap. This was the moment he resolved to live his mornings with real intention. He would begin the daily work of battling the dragon deliberately and intentionally. Until this morning, the warrior had always looked at the dragon and saw his hopelessness, his fears, and his failures. He always had hopes and dreams, but he was ill-equipped to move forward. He had no idea where to even begin. That was until this morning when he had stumbled across two new weapons which led to his first two small victories. Two small wins he could repeat and build on. Progress would not always be this easy. In fact, progress would likely be ugly. It would take a deep inside and a long look at the dragon. What exactly had been holding him back? What had kept him from gaining and building any momentum?

As he sat at his desk in the war room, he laid down his pen and closed the planbook. He made a fist with one hand and covered the fist with his other hand. He bowed his head and brought his hands to his forehead. He closed his eyes drawing in another slow, deep breath. And another. He had just entered uncharted territory. He watched himself walk onto the battlefield that was guarded by the great dragon. The steps were steady, slow, and confident. He had been here many times, but this time he did not cower in fear. He stood tall and locked his eyes on the dragon, studying this long time adversary and had a revelation. As he gazed upon this obstacle in his path, he heard a reassuring voice. Show up. Keep showing up. Win small. Win ugly. Keep gaining ground, moving forward, closing the gap. You can do this. This dragon will fall.

He took in another deep breath feeling strength well up inside him, deep inside his soul. He opened his eyes, sat up tall, and smiled. He could do this. Today he would face his dragon with resolve. The warrior found a weakness had been revealed. A weakness he could exploit. The dragon had no interest in countering small attacks. He was braced to ward off large, conventional attacks powered by short bursts of energy. The dragon valued the big wins. The warrior saw the value of the small wins. How over time, these would add up to significant gains. This was the quest. The journey. The transformation. This was the unconventional war.