Returning to the Battlefield
Last month I put A Toe in the Water. I did some editing and this week, I'm returning to take another look at the battlefield.
Chapter 1
“The battle begins the moment we wake.”
He enters the room, strikes a blow, basks in the glory of the moment, and exits. This is his first attack of the day. The warrior lay motionless, not realizing the battle had begun. His adversary stands before him because the door was left open, and before the warrior opens his eyes, the dragon accepts the invitation and enters. No guard is on duty, no locks are on the doors or windows. Nothing is in place to stop or even slow this great beast who now towers over him.
Jacob does not see him but feels the presence. Looming, staring, daring him to make a move. The dragon's chest expands with the draw of each deep breath. As he exhales, he assumes a ready position. Jacob is aware that this is only in his mind, but this vision serves as a reminder of his battle that awaits him. Without even stepping on the battlefield, the warrior of Jacob’s heart allows his dragon to gain an edge and strike the first blow that casts a cloud of doubt and fear over this new day.
This is the dragon’s routine, his battle plan. The mornings belong to him, and he knows it. His plan is simple, strike first, strike fear, and strike doubt. Make a show of strength that keeps the warrior’s attempts half-hearted at best. His job is to stop the warrior, and most mornings this strategy works. Most mornings.
“Awareness is the warrior’s first weapon.”
This morning, however, something is different. Something feels odd. Normally, this show of strength is enough to spark fear to turn Jacob against himself, enough to begin the inner dialogue of doubt that forces an early retreat. Enough to win the day before the day begins. But this day, Jacob catches an unfamiliar sensation, a feeling of hope. It is just a glimmer, but it’s enough to reveal what will be the first weapon in his arsenal. The weapon of awareness.
He opens his eyes, seeing a little more clearly. Seeing how the dragon has taken residency in his mind. This awareness stirs and awakens the warrior. He could now see that the conflict was in the mind. The dragon was on the offensive before the warrior even reached what he believed to be the true battlefield.
The warrior just won the first battle. The weapon of awareness gave him the vision of hope, and hope is where transformation is born. Swinging his feet to the floor, he feels energized. He is not sure exactly how he will use this weapon, but he is ready to see where this awareness leads.
“Awareness brings clarity.”
The dragon’s image is still fresh in the warrior’s mind with the clear message, “You cannot do this. You know this is too big of a challenge. Maybe try tomorrow, or next week, or not at all. Just remember, today is not your day.” The warrior doesn’t hear this message so much as he feels it. The dragon’s message still rings in his ears, but this morning he feels something different. The dragon’s reminder does not hold the same weight. His first attack has failed.
The dragon’s job is to set the tone for the day. This is his battle plan. Attack early. Gain the edge. Cast a cloud of doubt, fear, and uncertainty to immobilize the warrior. The dragon’s show of force is his first and most effective weapon, given to him by the warrior.
The dragon does what he came to do but is unaware of the warrior’s hope rising. He does not anticipate the warrior seeing through his cloud of deception. His show of force does not insight fear. His message is not received. This morning, the warrior is armed with awareness and can see more clearly. This morning, the warrior catches an early victory.
“Clarity helps us choose.”
With blankets pulled to the side and feet on the floor, Jacob sits in silence. Armed with the weapon of awareness, he realizes for the first time the battle has already begun. He sits holding this unfamiliar weapon, examining it, being present with it. His mind is gently guided to another new realm. Stillness. In the stillness of the moment, the warrior emerges. Aware. Alert. Calm. The battle plan is in action, the warrior knows that this is no conventional battle. This is something different. This is a battle of intention. This is the beginning of Jacob’s unconventional battle.
He knows this is the beginning of a different kind of battle, so he needs a different way to fight. There is a sense of urgency to continue, but he cannot rush in with a large-scale attack. He pauses. In this moment of silence, stillness makes itself known and creates calm in his mind. He sees that charging forward into the day without a pause would be reckless. He would be relying on willpower and brute force. His attack would be futile and his mission would fail. This conventional attack is precisely what the dragon desires. This is where he shines. The dragon is well skilled in warding off brief, sporadic attacks. It only takes him a moment of strength to oppose these attacks, defend his territory on the path, and break the warrior’s will to fight.
The dragon’s plan is to fight the conventional plan. The warrior can see this now. His weapon of awareness alerts him to this truth. He knows his attack against the dragon requires a new approach and a new weapon. In the stillness and silence, he sees the second weapon begin to take form. With eyes closed, Jacob sits tall. Drawing a slow deep breath, he opened his eyes. Another deep breath followed by another slow exhale. This is the day the warrior within awakes. The first battle is already behind him, victory is fresh in his mind. Another deep breath and the warrior rises to his feet ready to move forward and take the next step on his quest to a better life. He stands ready to continue the battle. Before him are two choices, two paths. One is his familiar route of overthinking, elaborate planning, and inevitable inaction. The less familiar route takes an unconventional approach. The warrior, energized and ready to pursue and attack his dragon, feels the nudge to embark on this new path.
“Choosing the unconventional weapon of gratitude.”
He walks with intention and purpose to a small, cluttered desk and clears it of everything except a partially used notebook and an old pen. This notebook will be his battle planbook. This desk will be his war room. He sits and opens his planbook. A blank new page stares at him. The warrior smiles, picks up his pen, and writes “I am grateful for this new day. I am grateful for the air I breathe. I am grateful for my heart that beats. I am worthy, I am blessed, and I am grateful.” The warrior has now won his second battle. The dragon loses the first two battles of the day, completely unaware of the force building up against him.
Chapter 2
“Focus on closing, not winning.”
He sits alone in the humble war room. The silence of the early morning creates an unusually calm spirit. This battle will take time. It will require a different mindset and a different approach. With two early victories under his belt, Jacob has a revelation. He is already gaining ground.
His hope is fueled when he sees beyond the dragon’s show of strength. This first victory of awareness feeds a desire to keep moving forward. In his moment of stillness and silence, he finds a sense of peace and contentment in the moment. Following his second victory of showing gratitude, he is energized and present, ready to take his next step. Ready to begin closing the gap with these tiny wins. These victories are so small, the dragon doesn't even notice any change taking place in the warrior’s heart. He certainly does not sense any danger from this seemingly weak warrior. Had the dragon noticed, he might be amused, but he certainly would not be concerned. The warrior sees potential in these micro-battles. He can build a practice of small, consistent, intentional actions that will be the foundation to a powerful mindset.
There is nothing conventional about this approach. If the warrior moves forward with a “go big” mentality, he will meet great resistance. The “small step” mentality will meet practically no resistance. The warrior knows there is a gap between his current self and his best self. Those two small steps close the gap, if only slightly. The warrior knows focusing on these small gains will close the gap, and closing the gap is winning the battle.
“Running reconnaissance en route.”
The silence and stillness brings a moment of clarity. The gratitude brings a moment of peace. Armed with these resources, Jacob is energized to move forward. The clarity reveals his need for reconnaissance, his need for time to take an honest look at himself, his path, and his obstacles. This warrior is on alert, aware that his quest to a better life involves stepping onto the battlefield every day, multiple times a day. Making a daily plan of attack requires that he observe his situation without judgement. This is the process that will help create daily progress.
Drawing a slow, deep breath Jacob’s chest expands filling him with hope. He exhales and relaxes, his body feeling stronger. He looks inward, not in judgement but in curiosity. What am I doing here? Where am I headed? What does this “better life” actually look like? What exactly would make my life more compelling? What steps will lead me to a “life, well lived”? Then, he looks outward, again in simple curiosity. What exactly are my obstacles and challenges? What is this dragon I’m battling? What are his strengths and weaknesses? What is my best plan of attack?
These questions normally weigh the warrior down, but this morning he is just scouting, trying to better understand the battle. The warrior looks back to his battle planbook. He is in the battle and on the move but needs to do some scouting, run some recon, and track the information he learns about himself and his enemy.
“Focus on controlling the controllables.”
Turning to a new page, he writes “I cannot always control my circumstances, but I can control how I react to them.” When facing obstacles and struggles, Jacob is typically quick to give up. This shields him from embarrassment and failure. The reward on the other side of his dragon is usually just not worth the fight. The dragon has beaten down day after day, so the warrior within typically doesn’t even show up to the battlefield. There are too many things beyond his control.
There have always been uncontrollable circumstances in his life, but there has to be some controllable steps he can take in order to keep moving forward. He turns back to the planbook. “I can control my attitude. I can control my mindset. I can control how and when I react to failures and setbacks. I can make small gains and celebrate those small wins, no matter how ugly the wins may be.” He knows that to rise up and battle effectively, he has to focus on what he can control. This focus is the key to navigating the unconventional path to a better life.
Jacob chooses his plan for the day, to combat his negative attitude by practicing gratitude. When he recognizes his negativity rising, he will bring one gratitude to mind. He chooses to combat a negative, limiting mindset by reminding himself that skill and strength come with time and practice. He chooses to combat his reaction to failures and setbacks by pausing, reflecting, and remembering that we learn from every mistake, failure, and setback. Finally, he chooses to recognize small wins and celebrate them no matter how small or ugly they may be.
“Small wins close the gap, and small wins are controllable.”
Jacob knows that making progress will not always be this easy. He determines that he will have to show up and keep showing up to allow those small gains on the battlefield to significantly close the gap. This is the moment he resolves to live his mornings with real intention. He will begin the daily work of battling the dragon deliberately and intentionally. Until this morning, the warrior within always looked at the dragon and saw his hopelessness, his fears, and his failures. Jacob always had hopes and dreams, but was ill-equipped to move forward in his pursuit. Before today, he had no idea where to even begin. This morning, he stumbled across two new weapons which led to his first two small victories. These two small wins are controllable and repeatable. Building on these wins, he can close the gap and gain ground. Progress will not always be this easy. In fact, progress may even be ugly. But one thing is sure, Jacob will need to take a deep inside and a long look at the dragon. What exactly has been holding me back? What has kept me from gaining and building any momentum?
As he sits at his desk in the war room, he lays down his pen and closes the planbook. He made a fist with one hand and covered the fist with his other hand. Jacob bows his head and brings his hands to his forehead. He closes his eyes drawing in another slow, deep breath. And another. He is entering uncharted territory. He watches his inner warrior walk onto the battlefield guarded by the great dragon. The steps are steady, slow, and confident. He has been here many times, but this time he does not cower in fear. He stands tall and locks eyes on the dragon, studying this long time adversary. As he gazes upon this obstacle in his path, he has a revelation and hears the reassuring voice. Show up. Keep showing up. Win small. Win ugly. Keep gaining ground, moving forward, closing the gap. You can do this. This dragon will fall.
Jacob takes in another deep breath feeling strength well up inside him, deep inside his soul. He opens his eyes, sits up tall, and smiles. He can do this. Today he will face his dragon with resolve. The dragon’s weakness has been revealed. A weakness he can exploit. The dragon has no interest in countering small attacks. He is braced to ward off large, conventional attacks powered by short bursts of energy and pure willpower. The dragon values the big wins. The warrior sees the value of the small wins. How over time, these wins will add up to significant gains. This is the quest. The journey. The transformation. This is the unconventional war.
Chapter 3
“Listen for the voice of peace in times of darkness and uncertainty.”
Jacob closes his battle planbook and slides it on the corner of his war room desk. He stands tall, breathing in deeply, ready to enter the next phase of the battle. He reflects on the day’s early progress as he rummages through his dresser and closet choosing the day’s armor. His first short reconnaissance mission helped him gather some valuable information about his adversary and himself. He feels cautiously confident and optimistic about the day. His hopes rise, but he knows he will need help understanding and navigating the battle raging in his mind and in his life. He needs guidance moving forward on this quest to live better. As Jacob allows himself to envision this better life, his inner warrior feels the dragon’s presence begin to loom. The door never completely closes and the dragon returns accompanied by the cloud of fear and unease. The warrior’s hope was draped in this cloud of uncertainty, but he can see through this haze. He can see that he is onto something.
He begins an internal dialogue seeking out wisdom for his next steps. Okay, now what? I’m ready to begin, but what does a better life look like? What exactly do I want from life? What do I hope to accomplish today to help get me closer to that life? What is the plan? His mind returns to the planbook. His first weapon of silence equipped him with a moment of pause, which led to a moment of clarity. His second weapon of gratitude reminded him of the goodness in his life and the hope of each new day. Under the heaviness of the moment, the warrior feels a nudge. He feels another presence enter his mind, the soft voice calling for a moment of his attention.
Jacob feels the words more than hears them. He pauses and listens, struggling to put words to the stirring. Again, the voice tries to find an opening. Fear and uncertainty loosen its grip just enough for the warrior to put a word to this feeling. And there it is. Peace. The answer is peace. The quest for a better life is the path to and through peace. Peace is the journey and the destination. Peace is on the other side of the dragon and on the path through the dragon. The dragon is silenced. His darkness and uncertainty are still. This moment of quiet allows the warrior to hear the voice of peace.
“Taking aim at peace with the weapon of pause.”
As Jacob continues to prepare for his day, his mind continues to wander and wonder. He is nearing the battlefield and needs some guidance. He decides that today’s goal is simply peace. That is his target. In his path stands the dragon, his adversary, his obstacle. He needs a plan of attack that can get him one step closer to peace with the dragon in his path. His mind drifts back to his first weapon of silence. Silence provides the open door to clarity. He prepares to step onto the battlefield knowing the ultimate goal is to completely overcome his dragon, but today’s action needs to be small enough to avoid alerting the dragon to the plan. Today’s attack requires a new tactic. The voice stirs within him and reveals a powerful new strategy. The pause.
This strategy of pausing can be enacted at any time. At a moment’s notice, the warrior can pause in defense or pause before his attack. This strategy will be a powerful weapon because it will not cause concern for the dragon. The dragon is expecting a traditional reactive defense and a traditional spontaneous attack. This is the dragon’s battle plan. This is his strength. This is what he practices and prepares for. He will never recognize the warrior’s unconventional tactic as a threat. To the dragon, this moment of pause may even appear to be a moment of weakness. This makes the pause even more dangerous for the dragon. It is a veiled weapon with great potential. The pause invites silence and stillness into the heart of the warrior, which opens the door to clarity. And clarity reveals the path to peace.
The warrior greets the day, armed with his new weapons. He knows he will need intentional practice to gain familiarity with these weapons, and he is determined to take small, deliberate steps to do so. Awareness. Silence. Gratitude. The Pause. The warrior is aware, he is silent, he is grateful, and he takes a moment of pause. He then steps out the door and onto the battlefield, locking eyes with the dragon. They both grin, the dragon believing he will easily win this battle, the warrior knowing he already has.
“Tomorrow begins when the daily debrief begins.”
In the evening, Jacob returns home reflecting on the day’s events. He gained ground, but this is just the beginning. This battle will require time and patience. His obstacles and his struggles are real. The day was filled with clashes and conflicts with the dragon. The losses seemed to outweigh the wins, but the warrior’s awareness proves to be a powerful weapon. He now understands that he can learn from these small battles. The losses are not failures, they are opportunities to self-correct. He takes a moment of pause and recognizes his gratitude for this revelation, then begins to formulate his plan for the next day.
As he debriefs the day’s events, Jacob returns to the small desk, the warrior returns to the war room. He opens his battle planbook, closes his eyes, and breathes deeply. The moment of pause is an invitation to silence, an invitation to calm that leads to clarity. He senses the soft voice reassuring him that he can do this. The dragon will stand his ground, but the warrior can keep showing up and continue slowly gaining ground. If he continues to deliberately move forward, he will undoubtedly close the gap between his current self and his best self. He can live at peace knowing that he is on the path to living life better, knowing this is all part of the process.
He begins writing, “This was a good day. I stepped on the battlefield armed with awareness, gratitude, and pause. My fears and doubts still seemed near me, but I kept sensing this voice reaching out to me. I couldn’t quite make out words, but I felt it was trying to reassure me ‘it’s going to be okay. You’re headed in the right direction. Keep on taking the small steps. You’ve got this.’” The warrior jotted a few notes about his facing his dragon and winning the small battles of attitude and awareness. Each small win, no matter how ugly or awkward, is a step closer to the hope on the other side of the dragon. A step closer to peace and a life well lived. The goal is peace, yet he feels as though he is already wearing and walking in shoes of peace. This revelation is the perfect conclusion of the debrief and the perfect way to begin his tomorrow.
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