Grateful for the Opportunity

For the twentieth time, I’m seated and ready. Twenty times. I grin at the thought. A yellow spiral notebook lies unopened in my lap. I hold a still-unclicked pen in my hand, mindful of this moment and what it means to try yet again. I take a deep breath and look at the notebook cover. I click the pen, open the notebook, and write, “Lilly 2021.”

Opening to a blank page, I remember those nineteen letters. The nineteen times I’ve mailed a proposal and waited for the decision to be made. The nineteen times I’ve opened my mailbox to find a thin envelope with a note of appreciation for my proposal followed by the dreaded, but all too familiar, “...unfortunately…” The times I’ve sighed and decided that was my last try, followed by the inevitable, “...well maybe if this year I should propose…” Then, as always, the NEXT proposal begins to take form for another shot.

A new email arrives in my inbox. The subject line reads, “Award Notification for Lilly Endowment 2021 Teacher Creativity Fellowship Program.” Notification of Award winners? Wait! This can’t be right. They’re not saying I won. They’re just telling who the winners are. Right? It takes a moment to gather myself and open it. After a deep breath, or two or three, I brace myself, click, and read the words, “Dear Thomas, Congratulations!…”

It’s 5:30 a.m. in Oklahoma City. I’m in the hotel room seated at the desk. Spending time writing. And praying. Grateful for the part that’s hard. Grateful for this journey that has begun. This journey, twenty years in the making. Making friends with the resistance that has been such a good teacher in so many ways. Life has a way of presenting opportunities to learn through resistance. And with each opportunity, we can respond or we can react. I choose to respond with gratitude.

Here I stand, at the entrance to the labyrinth. This path that lies before me is symbolic of the sacred journey of life we all share. As I follow this path, I’m reminded of the steps that got me here and the steps that will follow. With each step, I try to bring my mind to the present moment, to the Presence with me in Albuquerque. My mind constantly wanders from the past, to the future, and back to the present. All the while, I follow the path, always moving forward, and closer to God on this sacred journey. Grateful for this opportunity.

I’ve been here a week now. Settling into this tiny hermitage in the desert. Considering the steps that brought me here, now. Drawn to this location to visit the Center of Action and Contemplation founded by a Franciscan friar I have grown to love. As I sit here, seeking peace and stillness, I’m reminded of a Benedictine monk I also admire. I am on this journey of contemplation, spending time with these two men, reading their books, listening to their lessons, and making connections. I truly am finding spiritual renewal on this journey.

I’ve been considering the project title, the Writer’s Contemplation. Considering the purpose of this summer renewal. Drawing peace from this experience. Pouring stillness on the pages of my life’s story. This is a project of both action and contemplation. Of both writing and prayer. Of both doing and being. I’ve traveled northwest to this St. Francis Retreat. And here I sit. Writing a few short sentences. Answering the questions. Grateful for the opportunity.

I don’t know what to expect as I arrive at the Deer Park Monastery, but I come equipped with the divine virtues of “faith, hope, and love” (1 Cor 13) and with the awe and wonder of a child (Matt 18: 1-5). I have greatly admired Thich Nhat Hanh for years, and this is one of the monasteries he established to share and practice mindful living. As I share time with the monks and other guests, I’m drawn to the peace and stillness of these grounds and nurtured in this experience. I’m greeted with a sign that says, “peace is every step” and I truly feel that peace on this visit. Another visit that is a gift, for which I am truly grateful.

I sit here now, reflecting on this gift twenty years in the making. I am blessed, humbled, and grateful that I’ve received this gift from the Lilly Endowment. The Teacher Creativity Fellowship Program has allowed me to take time for meaningful renewal. I am energized and ready to return to my classroom with enthusiasm for teaching and learning. And grateful for the opportunity to do so.