I Can't, but I Can

I’ve been thinking a lot about lives lost, the people I have known and loved who are no longer with me. As I look back on my relationships, I don’t know that I have any regrets or wishes that I had spent more time with anyone. As I look back, those relationships have all been special, not because of the quantity of our time together but because of the quality of our time together. I may not have had as many days together as I had wished, but the days I had together were full. 

As I think of those lives lost over the years, I am sad that they are over. But I am also grateful that the memories still live with those of us left behind. I am grateful that we carry with us those interactions and experiences. Yes, there are things we would like to have done differently. Yes, we miss them and would like to have one more moment or one more day with them, but we can’t, in person. But we can, in spirit. At any moment we choose. And what a treasure and gift that is. 

This morning, I had this thought. What if I knew that today was the last day of someone I know and love? What if I went through this day, looking at each person not knowing which one it was? What if everyone I encountered could be the one living their last day? What if my next moments were my last moments with them? What if this were my last shot? There is no doubt, I would look at them and interact with them differently. There is no doubt I would connect and love more deeply, and I would take in and share that love more fully.  

Bernard of Cairvaux wrote, “Love seeks no cause beyond itself and no fruit; it is its own fruit, its own enjoyment. I love because I love; I love in order that I may love.” Love is connection. It is relationship. Love is what draws us together even when we are apart. Love is what we do because love is who we are. Love is what makes loss so painful. 

I can’t be with those I’ve lost in person, but I can be with them in spirit, because they have given me a precious gift. The gift is a reminder to love and to connect with those around me as though this were my last shot. I know that when I do, the fruit is love. The enjoyment is love. The gift is love. Today, may I take in love and pour it out on those around me. Especially today, because today may be my last shot.