Only What is Helpful

I had a friend who often say, “4:29.” It was usually in response to a crude or mean joke. It was always said lightheartedly, but there was a meaning and a message behind this response. It was a reference to Ephesians 4:29 Paul writes, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Looking back, that was such a wise and kind and powerful way to respond. Not much else to do but grin, nod my head, and think or say, “yep. You got me.”

The point of joking and teasing is to make the other person laugh or smile. If we really are trying to live lives of love, we need to use our words to build others up. Yes, we need to smile and laugh, but it never hurts to pause a moment and ask ourselves, is this helpful. I recognize the deep wisdom of using the quick, funny, kind reminder.

Rumi has some powerful wisdom that goes together nicely with the 4:29 reminder. He wrote, “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. At the first gate ask yourself, ‘Is it true?’ At the second gate ask, ‘Is it necessary?’ At the third gate ask, ‘Is it kind?’” Again, such a simple, kind, and powerful reminder that our words really do matter. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Underline those three questions. Write those words in the margin of this book. It is good to pause and ask. When I joke around with family and friends, am I being helpful? Am I building others up? Am I using the three gates? The answer is not always, yes. But there is always the next opportunity to practice my 4:29 moment.

Two years ago, my journal began with this prayer. “Today, may I recognize opportunities to find Christ’s rest and strength, God’s peace and stillness, and the Spirit’s freedom and courage.” Last year, it began, “Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace, compassion, and wisdom.”

With Christmas only four days away, I can’t help but think of the message of faith, hope, love, joy, and peace. I can’t help but be grateful for this one day I’ve been given to grow, to learn, and to practice being a better steward of this one life.

Today, I pray I can remember the wisdom from Matthew 7:24, that I may hear these words and put them into practice. That I may build my life on a firm foundation. That I may find rest, peace, and freedom to live well and to help build others up that it may benefit those who listen.